10 Day No Makeup Identity Challenge

My poor makeup bag has been abandoned for the last 10 days.

 

 

 

 A few Sundays ago, I felt God calling me to give up wearing makeup for 10 days and pray for true beauty during that time when I would normally be putting on makeup.. I didnt really think that this would be a problem for me, because I don't really mind being without makeup. Other then my scars on my cheeks and blonde eyelashes, I feel alright without it. Little did I know.. Here are some exerts from my journal over the 10 days..

 

(Bear with me here.. Sharing some deep personal stuff and being vulnerable and all.. -nervous laugh-)

 

Day 1:

 Right now I would normally be putting on makeup. I wonder if people are going to be asking me if I am tired today. "Hey Tori, are you sick? Didn't you get enough sleep?" Oh dear..

 

Dear God, please give me true inner beauty. Show me lies I may be believing and help me to love myself without makeup. Help me to not look at my face and start pointing out my flaws.. The zit there, the scars there.. Help me to love my body and not compare my weight to other people's. Help me to not be discusted my a belly flab or lack of thigh gap. Be with me, God. Draw near to me. I am tired of criticizing myself!

 

-where did that bruise come from?! No idea!-

 

 

Day 2:

 Some of the girls from the school said I look like Elsa from Frozen today because of my braid. It was really cool to get compliments and stuff even when I don't feel at my best. I've found that it seems people are more open with me when I am not in makeup. Maybe people see me as more vulnerable & innocent and are able to be more open with me? Do I act different when I look different?

 

Day 3 and 4:

God I am exhausted. Maybe not exhausted, but I am really tired, today when I came home from work, all I wanted to do was just crawl into my bed. And cry. And I did.  I just listened to worship music and I felt better. Thinking about you and being with you helps me so much! Thank you for helping to make positive choices about food today, but also thank you that if I wouldn't have you would have still loved me and not really cared. Thank you for helping me not over eat.

 

Day 5:

 I really want to quit today. I don't think I will continue with my 10 day makeup fast. I've learned enough.. To not judge people who are eating sweets, to control myself...Blah, Blah, Blah. I always keep thinking about the next thing in whatever I am doing. When I am eating my dinner, I am thinking about my dessert. When I am eating my dessert, I am thinking about getting more food. Why can't I just enjoy what I am doing now? And this isn't just for food! Why do I spend so much of my life not enjoying what I am doing but thinking about the next thing?! Why do I spend so much of my life obsessed with food?! I am so annoyed!!!

 

 

 

-Hiding behind my shades-

 

God, I don't want to be robbed of my joy. I don't want to keep doing this! Why am I always so discontent and expecting? Today when I was talking to my friend, I felt gross because I hadn't washed my hair, wasn't wearing makeup (obviously) and had a pimple on my face. I didnt feel worthy of attention. It made me extremely uncomfortable to have my friend see me when I didn't feel good in my appearance. I wanted to push everybody away. They cant get too close when I look bad, because then they will see who I really am and want to leave. Why was it so hard for me to let somebody see me when I didn't feel or look great? Why don't I believe people who compliment me when I feel really gross about myself? People have been saying I look nice the same amount as when I am wearing makeup. This is weird. Are they liars? Are they just trying to make me feel better?They tell me I look fine, but think the opposite?

 

Day 6: 

Thank you for my friend who encouraged me to not give up on this 10 day thing. God, thank you for showing me today that the reason I didn't allow people to love me when I didn't feel good about myself was because when I was younger, I felt I was only accepted when I took care of myself. My family would always tell me to wash up before I could be down for breakfast or in public. My hair and clothes had to be neat. Not that that was bad or wrong, but I took it in the wrong way, and made me believe a lie that I was only loved and accepted when I looked good. Holy Spirit, thank you for showing this to me! I am weeping right now.. How long have I believed this and didn't even know about it?! You still love me when I "haven't taken care of myself" and some people do too! God, you are the best. Thank you for loving me. You are so good. Thank you for showing me my wounds and healing them.

 

 

 

Day 7 and 8:

Went camping this weekend and am feeling so much closer to you, God. Hiking up a mountian showed me that the last bit of the journey is the hardest . Hmm... And these are my last few days of my identity no-makeup challenge..

 

 

 

Day 9:

I am a total failure. Today I learned that I don't have any of my own strength to not over-eat and to take care of myself. I ate again today the entire day and made myself feel sick... I am tired of trying to do it on my own. I can't not think about food all the time on my own. I keep being discontent. I can't do it. I keep going back to my old patterns. No matter how hard I try, I keep failing out of my own strength.

Today I was meeting with some teenage girls, and we were talking about comparing ourselves with other girls . Most of them compared their weight and felt really guilty after eating too much. A lot of them couldn't eat in front of others because of shame. These girls where going through the same things of .. "my thighs are bigger then hers.. my hair looks like crap today... that girl is so skinny, but look at my belly flap!.. I feel fat and disgusting... I need to loose weight..." Why are all of these beautiful girls believing the same lies I am? I am so annoyed that all of these lovely girls feel all of this guilt and shame.

Why are we all believing all of these lies?

Why are we all believing the same lies?

There is a very real enemy to my soul. There is God, and there is the enemy. He wants to oppress me and all of these beautiful girls. God, I'm sick of this.

Please help me so that I can help others. I want to be a pioneer. Holy Spirit, I invite you to set me totally free from this. Give me a solution. Give me something how I can be in total victory and freedom, and explain to me how I can help others out of this. I want to be the one to help them walk in victory and freedom.

 

Day 10:

 I am making a decision to allow God complete and total control of my weaknesses and thoughts. When I feel like binging on my food or feel guilt after eating too much I will:

1. Admit my weaknesses and that I don't have the ability to control myself.

2. Acknowledge that God has the strength to help me in my weakness by the power of the Holy Spirit.

3. Claim Gods strength and love for my life in that moment.

4. When I feel guilty for eating too much, I will pray against the spirit of guilt in my life and break that off in the name of Jesus Christ. I will ask the Holy Spirit to fill be with satisfaction, honor, happiness and peace.

 

 

(P.s. I think that when I actually DO overeat until the point where I feel sick, that is because of me not enjoying the food I am eating at that moment. If I ask God to help me enjoy what I am eating now, I won't be trapped into that vicious cycle of always being not satisfied and wanting more. But if I ever do overeat, I need to just ask God for forgiveness for not honoring my body, and not go into making myself feel really bad. The cause of my binging was not enjoying the thing I was eating now but always thinking about the next thing)

 

During these ten days, God challenged me, showed me things that I need healing for, showed me the things I was enslaved by and has healed me! The days after my 10 day identity challenge have been pure bliss. My life looks totally different. I just go through those 4 points and God swoops in and help me! Wow! I DID NOT KNOW THIS LEVEL OF FREEDOM WAS POSSIBLE! God is my strength. He is my victory. He loves me! He has made me victorious and free!

 

10 days.. So many lessons learned.

 

These 10 days have been extremely healing for me. If you struggle with guilt or body image issues, I would totally encourage you to try your own 10 days. Maybe its giving up makeup for 10 days, maybe its giving up your hair straightener, or your nail polish. Its not that these things are wrong. No actually, they are great! But giving up something for a set amount of time allows God extra room to expose, challenge, heal, and grow you.

 

 

 

Are you up for the challenge?

 

And if you are struggling with some of these issues know that 1. You aren't alone: There are many things we think we are the only person struggling with. 2. You don't have to accept defeat! There is a solution! His name is Jesus. Problem? "No problem" with the solution of Jesus.

 

I am  strong believer of freedom for every captive and a divine solution to every problem.

 

If you don't yet know Jesus in a personal and intimate relationship, I dare you to ask Him to show Himself to you. If you know Him, but in an impersonal way, I dare you to ask Him to get closer to you. I couldn't think of a better think to ask for.

 

Let me know if this helped you in any way! It was quite hard for me to share this with people.. If you decide to do a 10 day identity challenge, I am praying for you to get total freedom in every single area of your life!

 

 

 

You are a solution. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are guilt free. You are not shameful. You are accepted. You are a saint. Why? JESUS <3