Lonliness sucks

Growing up as an only child, loneliness is something that I have really been struggling with for as long as I can remember.

Some of my earliest memories are playing in the forest behind our house by myself. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? I did; more than one actually!

Feeling alone is something that  I have struggled with for a long time. Sometimes you feel alone because you ARE and other times you are physically with people but feel alone in their midst. Do they care? Do they understand? Do I matter? Why doesnt anybody  pay attention to me?

Loneliness sucks. It lead to crying alone in the car, depressing thoughts, and wanting to lay down in bed and never get up.

So whats the solution?

For me, it was Jesus. 
 He told me "I will never leave you or forsake you!"

Ive learned over the past few months that even if I feel alone, I am not. That moment when Im thinking that nobody cares, nobody understands or loves me, God is thinking...

"IM RIGHT HERE!!! IM CRAZY ABOUT YOU! IM THINKING ABOUT YOU! YOU ARE MY CHILD! COME TO ME, GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR BURDENS! I WANT TO BE INVOLVED, I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE SO SPECIAL TO ME!!!!"

I wonder if God feels hurt when we say that we are so alone.

Seek God, and you will find Him.

But another thing I learned was that God loves to give us healthy and stable friendships. A few weeks ago I asked Him to give me a close friend here in Northern Ireland that I can talk to about Him and that can encourage me in seeking Gods face, and He did! He loves for His children to be in community!

What is it that your heart truly desires? 

I think that what God really desires is for us to desire Him above anything else. To LOVE Him with all our hearts, souls and minds.

How do you feel about this desire of His?

If you are feeling lonely, tell Him! He already knows anyway, but He wants to hear it from you. Ask Him for a friend who will encourage and support you. Seek community with the people of God.

But most importantly, seek Jesus and His presence. He is the one who will always be there. Nobody else can fill that space for us. Jesus is the best friend I have ever had. He's never messed up, said something to hurt my feelings, manipulated me, left me, or abused me. HE IS SO AMAZING!!!! If you don't know Him, getting to know Him is the best decision you will ever make.

So please allow me the honor to make the introduction.. "Dear ____, (insert your name here), Id like to you to meet my Best Friend, Father, God, Savior, Doctor, Lover, and just the most amazing identity in the universe" (no overstatement necessary.. hehe :) 

....and THAT, my friends, is the solution for lonliness and friendship, if you ask for my two cents :)

Self preservation

I often go into survival mode.

I worry that I won't get enough food, enough sleep, enough basic life necessities and and almost go crazy trying to protect myself.

Im not alone though! King David was a man after Gods own heart and he seemed to go through a self preservation phase in 1 Samuel 21. Reading this will blow your mind. 

For the next few moments, try putting yourself in Davids shoes. How would you act?

These are some of my observations:

"So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard." (1 Samuel21:13

NIV) wow..

Poor David! How scared must he have been to get to such a level? He acted insane. I wonder if that is how he released all his stress for the past couple of months.. After this he just escapes to a cave. Wow. David is really going through a hard time. I can't even begin to imagine being in his shoes. I can't even go without one meal without going into "preservation mode", and he had to do that for who knows how long! I can't even handle somebody making a negative comment about me, while King David had to handle somebody constantly trying to kill him. He knows that he is the annointed king of Isreal, but his situation is looking like the complete opposite. Fear grips him. He is so far removed from all human  comforts that he got so used to. Living in a cave does NOT sound like a good time to me!! No showers, no food, no heater or AC, no bed, no clean clothes.... Man. That must have sucked! I wonder what he thought during this time. Is this when he was writing the psalms about his enemies pursuing him?

What was it like to go from living in a palace to living in a cave?

Have you ever been so desperate for something your body was craving that you were willing to do anything in order to get it?

God understands pelf preservation mode. He loved David and kept a Fathers dry for him during this difficult time.

God wants to preserve us, because our own efforts will make us go crazy, as they did for David.