10 Day No Makeup Identity Challenge

My poor makeup bag has been abandoned for the last 10 days.

 

 

 

 A few Sundays ago, I felt God calling me to give up wearing makeup for 10 days and pray for true beauty during that time when I would normally be putting on makeup.. I didnt really think that this would be a problem for me, because I don't really mind being without makeup. Other then my scars on my cheeks and blonde eyelashes, I feel alright without it. Little did I know.. Here are some exerts from my journal over the 10 days..

 

(Bear with me here.. Sharing some deep personal stuff and being vulnerable and all.. -nervous laugh-)

 

Day 1:

 Right now I would normally be putting on makeup. I wonder if people are going to be asking me if I am tired today. "Hey Tori, are you sick? Didn't you get enough sleep?" Oh dear..

 

Dear God, please give me true inner beauty. Show me lies I may be believing and help me to love myself without makeup. Help me to not look at my face and start pointing out my flaws.. The zit there, the scars there.. Help me to love my body and not compare my weight to other people's. Help me to not be discusted my a belly flab or lack of thigh gap. Be with me, God. Draw near to me. I am tired of criticizing myself!

 

-where did that bruise come from?! No idea!-

 

 

Day 2:

 Some of the girls from the school said I look like Elsa from Frozen today because of my braid. It was really cool to get compliments and stuff even when I don't feel at my best. I've found that it seems people are more open with me when I am not in makeup. Maybe people see me as more vulnerable & innocent and are able to be more open with me? Do I act different when I look different?

 

Day 3 and 4:

God I am exhausted. Maybe not exhausted, but I am really tired, today when I came home from work, all I wanted to do was just crawl into my bed. And cry. And I did.  I just listened to worship music and I felt better. Thinking about you and being with you helps me so much! Thank you for helping to make positive choices about food today, but also thank you that if I wouldn't have you would have still loved me and not really cared. Thank you for helping me not over eat.

 

Day 5:

 I really want to quit today. I don't think I will continue with my 10 day makeup fast. I've learned enough.. To not judge people who are eating sweets, to control myself...Blah, Blah, Blah. I always keep thinking about the next thing in whatever I am doing. When I am eating my dinner, I am thinking about my dessert. When I am eating my dessert, I am thinking about getting more food. Why can't I just enjoy what I am doing now? And this isn't just for food! Why do I spend so much of my life not enjoying what I am doing but thinking about the next thing?! Why do I spend so much of my life obsessed with food?! I am so annoyed!!!

 

 

 

-Hiding behind my shades-

 

God, I don't want to be robbed of my joy. I don't want to keep doing this! Why am I always so discontent and expecting? Today when I was talking to my friend, I felt gross because I hadn't washed my hair, wasn't wearing makeup (obviously) and had a pimple on my face. I didnt feel worthy of attention. It made me extremely uncomfortable to have my friend see me when I didn't feel good in my appearance. I wanted to push everybody away. They cant get too close when I look bad, because then they will see who I really am and want to leave. Why was it so hard for me to let somebody see me when I didn't feel or look great? Why don't I believe people who compliment me when I feel really gross about myself? People have been saying I look nice the same amount as when I am wearing makeup. This is weird. Are they liars? Are they just trying to make me feel better?They tell me I look fine, but think the opposite?

 

Day 6: 

Thank you for my friend who encouraged me to not give up on this 10 day thing. God, thank you for showing me today that the reason I didn't allow people to love me when I didn't feel good about myself was because when I was younger, I felt I was only accepted when I took care of myself. My family would always tell me to wash up before I could be down for breakfast or in public. My hair and clothes had to be neat. Not that that was bad or wrong, but I took it in the wrong way, and made me believe a lie that I was only loved and accepted when I looked good. Holy Spirit, thank you for showing this to me! I am weeping right now.. How long have I believed this and didn't even know about it?! You still love me when I "haven't taken care of myself" and some people do too! God, you are the best. Thank you for loving me. You are so good. Thank you for showing me my wounds and healing them.

 

 

 

Day 7 and 8:

Went camping this weekend and am feeling so much closer to you, God. Hiking up a mountian showed me that the last bit of the journey is the hardest . Hmm... And these are my last few days of my identity no-makeup challenge..

 

 

 

Day 9:

I am a total failure. Today I learned that I don't have any of my own strength to not over-eat and to take care of myself. I ate again today the entire day and made myself feel sick... I am tired of trying to do it on my own. I can't not think about food all the time on my own. I keep being discontent. I can't do it. I keep going back to my old patterns. No matter how hard I try, I keep failing out of my own strength.

Today I was meeting with some teenage girls, and we were talking about comparing ourselves with other girls . Most of them compared their weight and felt really guilty after eating too much. A lot of them couldn't eat in front of others because of shame. These girls where going through the same things of .. "my thighs are bigger then hers.. my hair looks like crap today... that girl is so skinny, but look at my belly flap!.. I feel fat and disgusting... I need to loose weight..." Why are all of these beautiful girls believing the same lies I am? I am so annoyed that all of these lovely girls feel all of this guilt and shame.

Why are we all believing all of these lies?

Why are we all believing the same lies?

There is a very real enemy to my soul. There is God, and there is the enemy. He wants to oppress me and all of these beautiful girls. God, I'm sick of this.

Please help me so that I can help others. I want to be a pioneer. Holy Spirit, I invite you to set me totally free from this. Give me a solution. Give me something how I can be in total victory and freedom, and explain to me how I can help others out of this. I want to be the one to help them walk in victory and freedom.

 

Day 10:

 I am making a decision to allow God complete and total control of my weaknesses and thoughts. When I feel like binging on my food or feel guilt after eating too much I will:

1. Admit my weaknesses and that I don't have the ability to control myself.

2. Acknowledge that God has the strength to help me in my weakness by the power of the Holy Spirit.

3. Claim Gods strength and love for my life in that moment.

4. When I feel guilty for eating too much, I will pray against the spirit of guilt in my life and break that off in the name of Jesus Christ. I will ask the Holy Spirit to fill be with satisfaction, honor, happiness and peace.

 

 

(P.s. I think that when I actually DO overeat until the point where I feel sick, that is because of me not enjoying the food I am eating at that moment. If I ask God to help me enjoy what I am eating now, I won't be trapped into that vicious cycle of always being not satisfied and wanting more. But if I ever do overeat, I need to just ask God for forgiveness for not honoring my body, and not go into making myself feel really bad. The cause of my binging was not enjoying the thing I was eating now but always thinking about the next thing)

 

During these ten days, God challenged me, showed me things that I need healing for, showed me the things I was enslaved by and has healed me! The days after my 10 day identity challenge have been pure bliss. My life looks totally different. I just go through those 4 points and God swoops in and help me! Wow! I DID NOT KNOW THIS LEVEL OF FREEDOM WAS POSSIBLE! God is my strength. He is my victory. He loves me! He has made me victorious and free!

 

10 days.. So many lessons learned.

 

These 10 days have been extremely healing for me. If you struggle with guilt or body image issues, I would totally encourage you to try your own 10 days. Maybe its giving up makeup for 10 days, maybe its giving up your hair straightener, or your nail polish. Its not that these things are wrong. No actually, they are great! But giving up something for a set amount of time allows God extra room to expose, challenge, heal, and grow you.

 

 

 

Are you up for the challenge?

 

And if you are struggling with some of these issues know that 1. You aren't alone: There are many things we think we are the only person struggling with. 2. You don't have to accept defeat! There is a solution! His name is Jesus. Problem? "No problem" with the solution of Jesus.

 

I am  strong believer of freedom for every captive and a divine solution to every problem.

 

If you don't yet know Jesus in a personal and intimate relationship, I dare you to ask Him to show Himself to you. If you know Him, but in an impersonal way, I dare you to ask Him to get closer to you. I couldn't think of a better think to ask for.

 

Let me know if this helped you in any way! It was quite hard for me to share this with people.. If you decide to do a 10 day identity challenge, I am praying for you to get total freedom in every single area of your life!

 

 

 

You are a solution. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are guilt free. You are not shameful. You are accepted. You are a saint. Why? JESUS <3

My Little One...

My little one, 

Why do you stray away from the right path?

I am your shepherd, you do not lack a thing!

I bring you into green lucious surroundings. 

(I know your favorite color.)

I lead you to a quiet place.

I provide water and refreshment for your thirst. There is nothing else you need to rely on but me. 

I guide you along a straight path, because of how much I love you; for my names sake!

When you walk in a shadow of something scary, it wont harm you- Shadows dont harm, do they?

Do not fear any evil; but instead look over at me. I am right beside you. I may have to lead you through dark valleys to get to the other side, but dont worry- I am gentle.

The resources I have will comfort you. I am gentle with my rod and staff.

I prepare a delicious feast for you in the presence of those who want to do you harm. I make a place for you to have an abundance.

I revive your drooping head, your cup overflows with blessings!

(I know what you like to drink!)

My beauty and my love will chase after you all the days of your life. Are you overwhelmed?

My goodness will passionately pursue you. 

Will you dwell in my house with me forever?

I am on the search for you. My heart yearns to hold you again. Return to me, little one.

I like you. I love you.

-the Good Shepherd 

(adapted from Psalm 23)

-This is my venturing into uncharted territory of poetry in my life. What do you think?-

-VIKTORIYOUS 

My Life as a Tangled String of Fairy Lights

A few days ago when I was hanging up some fairy lights for a youth service my team was preparing for,  I was getting really frustrated at my wasted efforts and my inability to untangle them.

I kept trying to get out all of the knots, but for some reason, I was just really struggling.

Some of the things that have happened in the last 2 weeks in my life have felt me feeling really unsure, confused and anxious. 

The harder I tried, the more frustrated I got.

As tears were starting to come to my eyes, my hands stopped, and this thought snuck into my head..

"My life is just like these tangled string of fairy lights."

As I stood there looking at all the tangles, and how much it resembled my perception of my life, my friend Anna came up to me to see what was wrong.

My voice was squeakier then I intended when I gave her the tangled mess of fairy lights, and said, "See this right here? See all these tangles? This is what my life looks like right now..."

I expected her to give me a hug, say stuff like it will all be okay, keep your chin up.. blah blah blah

But what she did was what really stuck with me over these past couple of days.

"They may be tangled, but they are still shining. 

What makes them beautiful? That they are plugged in, and are brightly shining"

She then told me that no matter how confused things may look right now, as long as I am plugged into my source, which is Jesus,

 I will shine no matter what.

She then took them from me, and began to patiently, with quick and gentle hands, untangle the mess for me.

What an amazing picture of what Jesus does for us!

No matter how unsure or confused me and you may be feelings right now, Jesus is always willing to take the tangled string of fairy lights known as our life, and untangle them for us.

But the amazing thing is that even when we are tangled, we can still shine and give light to our surroundings.

I was so focused on the tangles in the fairy lights that I didn't realize how beautiful they looked anyway! They were still making that dark room bright and beautiful.

These are the 2 questions I asked myself that I would also challenge you to ask yourself:

1. Are your fairy lights plugged in? 

What is the source that your strength and energy come from? Is it a failing or unfailing source? 

From my personal experience, Jesus is the only source I can plug into that will never burn out. There will never be a power outage where He will not be able to provide me with strength, energy, life, and love. Everything else I tried to plug into eventually ran out of power and could not sustain me. 

Jesus is the power source!

2. What are the things that you are feeling frustrated trying to untangle right now?

I think that every person has different knots and struggles that they go through trying to untangle, but I think that all of us have at some point felt like we cant do this anymore. The harder we try, the more tangled it seems to get, right? The more our hands and hearts start to fail! 

I made the decision to stop trying. I decided to hang the mess over. 

I have some control issues, so this is really hard for me.

 Unless I am in total control of the things that are happening, I think that it is really hard for me to feel peace. So, please hear me when I say, I know how hard it is to hand the tangled mess over. But honestly, the feeling of relief and peace I got when I handed the fairy lights to Anna and the things that I have been confused about to Jesus was worth the fight it took to do it.

Whatever you are confused about, I dare you to make a choice to tell Jesus what you are feeling and tell Him that He can have it all. 

How? Make a decision to stop worrying about it. Easier said then done... For me, my mind is a battleground. I have to decide what I am not allowed to worry and be anxious about. Yes, it is a fight, but it is a fight worth having! 

I found such peace when I found this gem in the Bible where God tells His people,

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Isreal, your Savior" 

(Isaiah 43:1-4)

I find it funny that God doesn't say IF you pass through the fire and rivers, but WHEN. Sometimes in life the tangled are inevitable (just think of your headphones that you have to untangle every time you get them out!) but He says that He will be there to untangle them if you let Him. 

p.s.

Don't forget that no matter what is going on in your life right now, no matter how tangled things may appear, that you are still shining brightly! The darkness in the room leaves because of you; because of Jesus who is inside of you! As long as you are plugged Him, He will never let you stop shining. It might take time, but...

HE HAS TIME!

God bless you, anonymous reader. I am praying for you to encounter the passionate love of Jesus even more today. I am praying that you have the courage to plug into Him if you aren't already, and have the courage to hang over your tangled mess to Him.

Keep on SHINING!!!

-VIKTORIYOUS

FAITH

What would life without Jesus look like? What would it be like if God never sent Jesus to come to this earth? What would it be like if we didn't have the gift of eternal life and a relationship with Him? What would like look like without His presence?

Think about it for a moment...

When I thought about these possibilities, tears came to my eyes. 

I can't think what my life would be without my Rock, my Lighthouse, my Comforter, my Lover, my Best Friend and my Reedeemer.

From this place I want to share Jesus with others. Who He is to me is why I want nothing more then to share Him.

I recently learned that I have the spiritual gift of faith.

The Holy Spirit led me to this jem in the Psalm 89 about king David. I decided to put my own name into it, because I felt God really speaking it over me. These are His promises to me:

Here goes! 

"I have bestowed strength on a warrior; I have raised up a young woman among the people.

I have found Tori my servant; 

with my sacred oil I have anointed her. 

My hand will sustain her; surely my arm will strengthen her. 

The enemy will not get the better of her, the wicked will not oppress her. 

I will crush her foes before her and strike down her adversaries.

My faithful love will be with her, and through my name her horn will be exalted.

I will set her hand over the sea, her right hand over the rivers. She will call out to me, ‘You are my Father, my God, the Rock my Savior.’ 

I will maintain my love to her forever, and my covenant with her will never fail. I will not take my love from her, nor will I ever betray my faithfulness.

I will not violate my covenant or alter what my lips have uttered. 

Once for all, I have sworn by my holiness— and I will not lie to Tori— that her line will continue forever and her throne endure before me like the sun; it will be established forever like the moon, the faithful witness in the sky."

Woah.. Try putting your own name into these verses, and see Gods heart for you.

I am deeply passionate about leading people into a passionate relationship with Jesus.

He is so faithful! He is so kind!

Have you experienced His love?

I will jump up and down, slide across the room in my socks, shout it out as loud as I can until I can share how passionately God loves you.

Challenge? Try writing out these verses with your name on a piece of paper and signing it with Gods name.

FAITH.COMFORT.LOVE.

The 4 Corners of Christianity

Have you ever wondered why Christians disagree with each other so much?

I cant even begin to describe how privileged I am to be part of the Causeway Coast Vineyard church. This Sunday, the lead pastor, Alan Scott, shared the concept of these 4 different corners of Christianity, and it permeated deep into my theology.
 If you are up for a "my theology is messed with" experience that I had, keep reading! 

Churches as a whole and individual Christians tend to separate into 4 different corners.

  Corner 1: The Bible People

We believe that the Bible is the living word of God. Everything needs to go by the Bible. If its not Biblical, it ain't happening. How is it possible to hear from God without deeply knowing the precious Word He has left here for us?! If it isnt in the Bible, it wont fly by us.

Hebrew and Greek studies, concordances, regular quiet time, head coverings, and memory verses? Yes please! 

Corner 2: The Salvation People

We believe that it's all about getting people to make the decision to follow Jesus. It's all about that moment. The moment where a persons eternal destiny is secured. 

Yes or No? Hand raised or not?

. People are going to hell! Lets tell them the Good News and offer them to get to know Jesus! Lets go into the world and preach the gospel to all the nations, starting from our home town and going to the ends of the earth. Repent and be batpized! Lets be fruitful. Lets bring as many people into the Kingdom of God as possible. How many people can we give the opportnity to say "yes" to Jesus?
 Billy Graham "come to the front of the room and weep" parades. 

Hand in the air decisions. Evangelism. Missionaries.

Corner 3: The Signs and Wonders People

 

We are self professed Holy Spirit junkies. The Holy Spirit wants to fill us and show us His love. We speak in tongues, feel the presence of God (wind and fire, anyone?), and let Him overwhelm us with His love. 

God does want us to experience Him personally. How we love being expressive in worship and praying for everything that moves.
 Lets do the works that Jesus did, and do even greater things than Him, because that's what He wants. We aren't saved by our works, but we are judged by them. So lets get to the experience!

 Hands raised, drums, electric guitar, speaking in tongues, falling over in the spirit, and praying for dead people. 

Stereotypical Charismatics and Pentecostals. Visions, angels, revelations, and treasure hunting. 

I wont be satisfied until I see a dead person raised. Boom. 

Corner 4: the social justice people

There are children dying of AIDS right now as you are reading this! There are young girls being sold into sex slavery. Jesus said that we are the light of the world, so lets shine brighter. Whatever we do for the little kids, we are doing to Jesus. Lets save the widows and the orphans! Isnt that pure religion? 
We have the power to end human trafficking and slavery. If we all are in this together, we can being peace to the world. 

We need to raise funds and raise awareness.

 Movements and campaigns. Bake sales and fun raiders. 


.........................................................................

Stereotypical? Maybe? 

True? For the most part.. 

The things that blows my mind the most is that when you are told only one perspective, it seems so Biblical and right.

Which corner do you lean towards? What corner do those around you lean towards?

  Have you noticed that the people in these corners often fight with each other?

The Bible people tell the salvation people, "It cant just be about a single conversion moment, but about reading the Bible and getting to know what God is currently saying. The morality has to follow the convertion!". The signs and wonders people say to the Bible people, "You only know God in your head, you have never experienced Him in your heart. Phrarisees!!" The social justice tell the salvation people, "Its great that these people are coming to faith but what does it matter if these new converts aren't doing anything to help the poor and the sick?" The salvation people are telling the social justice people, "You are helping so many people, but are you actually leading them into salvation and into eternity?"

The examples here could be countless. Sadly, if you have been around Christian circles for a while, I am sure that you have heard one of the corners crying out against another.

If these are the 4 corners, what is in the middle of this room?

Jesus.

I wonder how He feels to see all of His kids fighting with each other. I wonder how much it breaks His heart..

I am not saying that we should wipe out denominations and different belief systems, but what I am saying is that UNITY is the thing that Jesus prayed for, for His church.

I wonder how much more impact Christians would be able to have in the world if we stopped arguing with one another and showed the world the love of Jesus.

After all, this is how Jesus said people would be able to tell if we are His disciples.

I pray that every single person who reads this post would be filled with the desire to be united with their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Why? Because thats where I think Gods heart is.

How can this happen? I believe that a time is coming for the uniting of the Bride of Christ, the Church. I believe that a time is coming where the 4 corners will stop fighting. I believe that that time is here. Is this the Kingdom of God that Jesus kept talking about? When the 4 seperate corners become one whole room?

My heart is broken when I see the 4 corners fighting. I was part of the battle for far too long. The Bible corner had me convinced there where no other corners in this room. 

I repent and change my ways. 

Whos with me?

Loner Dates

  If you think over the last month of your life, what would you say has been your highlight? 

When I asked myself this question, I came to the conclusion that my highlight last month were my "loner dates".

 I've been going on a lot of "loner dates" recently. Loner dates is what I call when you just get to spend some time with yourself doing something that you really enjoy that you would normally only do with someone else.

Why did I do this? In my current season of life, I found it very easy to simply go through the motions of every day without ever getting a chance to draw back and reflect on what I was doing. I was physically present in what I was doing, but emotionally, I have been quite distant for quite some time. 

Have you ever had that feeling where you wake up in the morning and think.. Didnt I just wake up?! How could a day have possibly gone by? I felt as if I was trying to hold steam in my hands; everything kept slipping through my fingers. I realized that I needed to start taking time for myself.

 Time to just be silent and just be human. 

To breath. 

To slow down. 

So I went on some loner dates. 

I went for a walk in the forest without listening to any music. I took time to listen to birds. I took a nap by the river in the morning. I put up a mirror in front of me and watched myself eat. 

The craziest thing? I used to feel really lonely when I was alone, and now spending time in solitute and reflection is what I crave to be able to love people more.

The older I get, the more time I need for reflection.

What are some "loner dates" you could go on? 

I challenge you to take some time to "loner date" yourself.

Life happens in a blink. It happens in a flash. It happens in the time it took to look back. We try to hold on tight, but theres no stopping time. What is it that ive done with my life? It happens in a blink.

No Longer a Vegan?

 

 

Freedom
 

Vegan

As many of you that know me may know, the past year I have been a vegan. I didn't eat any animal products or sugar or sweets. I was really focused on health, working out, and posting pictures of my delicious vegan food. -wink wink- 

Beginnings

Why did I start being a vegan in the first place? Well, contrary to what I would tell most people, I originally became a vegan because I had a disease for 2 years that affected me every single day of my life. I won't go into details here, but it was something very severe that left me lifeless and drained. I didnt tell anybody but a few very close friends and family members because I was so ashamed of it. My identity became rooted in this disease of mine. It was something that was always on my mind and I suffered greatly from it. I remember visiting doctors and them saying that they can't do anything about it. I tried everything from natural medications, to herbal treatments, to wierd Russian folk medicines, but nothing was able to help me. Since I didnt yet know that I could ask for God to heal me, my last hope was trying raw veganism to cure me. I read stories of how people's lives were changed because of raw fruits, vegetables, and nuts.

 

 

Restoration

So I decided to give it a try! To my utter relief and joy, my disease went away within the first week of eating this way! I felt relief sweep into my life like a tidal wave. I forgot what it felt like to be healthy and care free! I felt 2 years of guilt, shame, and anxiety fade into freedom.

 

 

Head over heels commitment

Because veganism was the thing that brought me such freedom, I fell head over heels into a strong commitment and passion for it. I became so strict in what I ate and let fear of my disease returning stop me from having any sweets that I wanted. But if I'm honest, for a period of about 8 months, my desire for sugary sweets and animal products completely was gone. I was honestly enjoying my vegan food very much and didnt crave anything else.

It was a season of honest healthy satisfaction. I have never been as healthy as in these 8 months.
 

 

Boundaries

During this season of my life, I grew so much in my knowledge about health, about my body, about my likes and dislikes, and in what it really means to be healthy. I grew so much closer to God and saw that His heart was also for our bodies (that I believe He made) to be healthy. I learned about self control. I learned about boundaries. I learned how to say no. I learned how not to be offended when people would tell me that "I'm killing myself by not eating meat" and "how stupid and childlike I am being for thinking I can live only on fruits, nuts, veggies and grains." If I had a penny for every time I was asked about where I got my protein, I'd be rich! (By the way, cabbage and broccoli) I learned to be patient with people who just simply didn't know my background and didn't know about my disease. I learned to be forgiving and understanding when people would try to force feed me meat or dairy or sweets, make fun of me for eating this way and tell me I am living in self denial. It was such an amazing experience to learn and grow these new character traits.

Don't you sometimes wish that things can stay the way they are? Don't you sometimes wish that change didn't have to come? I don't know whether you believe in God or not, but in my personal experience, I love Him so much because He keeps challenging me and taking me out of my comfort zone.

I believe that God saw that I learned what I needed to from this season in my life, and so He challenged me to move on. This was one of the hardest things I ever had do do. Even harder then giving up certain foods was going back on my words of "I will always be a vegan". Veganism became an identity for me, and because of this, it really hurt and confused me when I started to crave sweets again. It shook my world, because I started thinking " I can't eat this, because I am a vegan". I guess I didn't get as much self control as I thought, because I would start sneaking something sweet, like chocolate, once in a while. When I did, I felt guilt and shame again.

Frustration

I can remember the confusion and frustration as if it were yesterday. HOW could I feel guilt and frustration from the very thing that just a year ago was what saved me from guilt and frustration?! I felt like I lost so much ground, like I was taking one step forward and five steps back.

 

Freedom

My relationship with God grew really close at this point. I really needed Him at every second of the day because I had no idea what I was doing. I was physically healed a year ago, but this year I needed emotional healing. Through some wise counsel from one of my mentors, and having God speak into my heart through the Bible, I decided that it was time for a new season. I would give veganism completely over to God, and ask for my freedom back. I asked Him to let my identity be SOELY in Him, because He is the only thing that will never change. My food cravings, desires and thoughts changed, but my God is still the same. This loving, patient, forgiving, kind, comforting Father of mine was willing to help me get through this.

Uncertainty

This was the decisions that I made: to use this whole situation for Gods glory, and to help other people with what I was going through. I was going to have freedom, but I wasn't going to use it to indulge in unhealthy foods. Health is still very important to me, and I really respect people who take care of their bodies. But if I'm craving some chocolate, I'm gonna eat that darn thing to the glory of God! How does that bring Him glory? I believe that He loves me, and loves seeing me be like a kid who is just enjoying a delicious treat.

I can't say that I have this whole veganism, food, body image and self control thing figured out, and I strongly doubt I ever will. All I know is that nothing, not food, not veganism, not choices, not self control or the lack thereof, can separate me from the love that God has for me. I am secure in a Father who will go with me through every feeling of guilt, shame, rejection, self accusation and happiness, joy, health and self control.

Why am I sharing this with the world to see? Because I want to share how I experienced Gods love to be unfailing. I have found Him to be an unchanging rock that I can plant myself on and not worry about the storms of life shaking me.

I have no idea what tomorrow will hold for me. Will I want to stop eating sweets again and go back to being a vegan? I don't know. Will I want to start eating meat again? I don't know. Will I still be as fascinated in health? I don't know.

 

 

But I do know this- no matter what life brings to me, my Heavenly Father will be right there with me, encouraging me and holding my hand.